In a recent column we wondered what Canada’s best-ever rock song might be. And while the answer surely is subjective, any song that references Kraft Dinner certainly rates consideration. Indeed, headline notwithstanding, I probably don’t even need to name it.

“If I Had a Million Dollars” had been kicking around for awhile for Toronto’s Barenaked Ladies but formally appeared on their debut album “Gordon,” which was released in July 1992.

Along with other quirky songs like “Brian Wilson” and “Be My Yoko One,” the song launched BNL into Canadian stardom, and later internationally as the band behind the theme song for ‘The Big Bang Theory’ TV series.

But it’s “Million Dollars” that has entered the lexicon, in Canada at least, filled with a memorable list of lines – “If I had a million dollars, I’d buy you a green dress/ but not a real green dress, that’s cruel!” “…I’d buy you some art/ A Picasso or a Garfunkel.”

And the KD: “If I had a million dollars, we wouldn’t have to eat Kraft dinner/ But we would eat Kraft dinner… we’d just eat more!” And with fancy ketchups.

The song became the band’s signature song, so much so that in the early days, fans at concerts used to throw this country’s ubiquitous macaroni and cheese at them on stage – in boxes, cooked, even just the powder – until the band finally begged people to cease and put them in food bank bins that they provided instead.

Fortunately, when the band performed for delegates at the annual US travel trade show IPW a few years ago, wayward pasta was no longer an issue.

At that show, a few Canadians were invited to meet the band backstage (nice guys!), where we posed for pics and commiserated over high schools and other Canadian connections – such as KD.

Indeed, it’s interesting to see original co-frontman Steven Page explain on the video provided here – a 1992 performance on Britain’s Top of the Pops – exactly what KD is to the British audience.

So, without further ado, dig in!

Lyrics

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a house
(I’d buy you a house)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I’d buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an Ottoman)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well I’d buy you a K-Car
(A nice reliant automobile)
And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars
I’d build a tree-fort in our yard
If I had a million dollars
You could help, it wouldn’t be that hard
If I had a million dollars
Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere

You know, we could just go up there and hang out
Like open the fridge and stuff
And there’d all be foods laid out for us
Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things
They have pre-wrapped sausages
But they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon
Well can you blame them? Yeah

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a fur a coat
(But not a real fur coat, that’s cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I’d buy you an exotic pet
(Yep, like a llama or an emu)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you John Merrick’s remains
(All them crazy elephant bones)
And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars
We wouldn’t have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars
We’d take a Limousine, ’cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars

We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft dinner
But we would eat Kraft dinner
Of course, we would, we’d just eat more
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
That’s right, all the fanciest Dijon ketchup

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress that’s cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I’d buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a monkey
(Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?)
And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars, if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, I’d be rich