26 JAN 2017: Having just suffered a flight on which a ten-year-old terrorist in the seat behind me kicked and buffeted my seatback for 90 minutes, Expedia’s annual Airplane Etiquette Study held few surprises. As John Morrey, Expedia’s VP and GM puts it, “The study shows that small acts of decorum can go a long way” – or not as the case may be.
For the third year in a row my demonic friend, ‘the rear seat kicker’ was cited as the most annoying “onboard etiquette violator” by 64 percent of the 1,005 (aged 18+) passengers interviewed.
Somewhat strangely, second place, with 59 percent, went to ‘inattentive parents.’ Isn’t this a little bit like saying the biggest problem is shootings and the second biggest is guns? Let’s face it – if the parents were not inattentive, there would be no seatback kicking problem.
The rest of the top 10 offenders were:
3. The Aromatic Passenger – 55%. As inflight neighbors go, I have never figured out which is the more offensive, the ‘hygienically challenged’ and the overly perfumed/aftershaved. The latter is perhaps the worse of the two because it is done with intent, while the former can result from something as simple as running to catch the flight.
4. The Audio Insensitive – 49%. The flier with no personal volume control who talks as if addressing a 50-person meeting can be a huge annoyance, even when sitting several rows behind you, as can the person next to you with high-volume ‘k’kaboom k’kabooms’ leaking from their headset.
5. The Boozer – 49%. This is an odd result as while almost 50% say the excessive imbiber is a problem, only 12% claim to have more than two drinks while flying. If confronted with any combination of the preceding four problems, in my book, that extra drink can only be categorized as justifiable therapy.
6. Chatty Cathy – 40%. This is a surprisingly low percentage for the irrepressible talker next door but one that is easy to deal with. Just learn the words, “Sisemi Kiingereza” – Swahili for, “I don’t speak English.” Any more common tongue is dangerous as they may then try conversing in a broken version of that language, which is far worse than the original English onslaught.
7. The Queue Jumper – 35%. It’s unclear where anyone is jumping queues any more when most priority boarding groups include 90% of the passengers. Maybe it’s the, “Sorry, sorry, my flight leaves in three minutes” guy who pushes in at security, but have you ever noticed how often they get subjected to a secondary search? Coincidence – I think not.
8. Seat-Back Guy – 35%. This is a surprisingly low number as this can be worse than the Rear Seat Kicker. Not only that but ‘Mister Slam-it-back-without-a-look’ usually engenders a heinous chain reaction that pisses off three or four rows behind him.
9. The Armrest Hog – 34%. Like #8, this can be a real pain in the derriere, especially if they are also “volumetrically challenged” so it’s not just their arm that’s taking the armrest away.
10. Pungent Foodies – 30%. With generally lackluster buy-on-board menus encouraging fliers to bring along their own meals, it’s inevitable that there are going to be the occasional aromatic atrocities. I must say however that I’d rather have 10 minutes of curried gorgonzola goat than a full flight of some cheap Chanel No 5 knockoff.
Some interesting sidebars on the top 10 were:
• 37% would like to see reclining seats barred in economy cabins.
• 33% will endure misbehaving passengers in silence rather than report them to the cabin crew and only 10% would confront a miscreant directly.
• 39% claim they pay attention to safety briefings before takeoff.
• 66% turn their phones to airplane mode when requested.
One has to wonder how long it will be before there is a new #1 on this list to perennially replace the seat back kicker. As airborne Wi-Fi becomes more ubiquitous, it has to be only a matter of time before that annoying guy who talks at high volume on the train is also doing it next to you on the plane.
So far there has been a lot of airline doubletalk on the subject. The president of the Association of Flight Attendants argues that, for security reasons, anything short of a complete DOT ban on inflight calls would be “reckless”. A spokesperson for Airlines of America contends that it should be left to the individual carrier to decide what services it does or does not offer its passengers. All parties do however seem to recognize that this will be a highly polarizing issue with fliers.
In the meantime, Expedia’s Etiquette survey concludes with the outwardly encouraging statistic that 79 percent of those surveyed feel, “for the most part fellow passengers are considerate to one another.”
I say “outwardly” because, based on IATA’s global tally of 3.6 billion passengers in 2016, that remaining 21% equates to there being 756 million inconsiderate fliers out there. For seekers of ‘small acts of decorum’ that‘s hardly a happy thought.