I thought it might be interesting to get an insider’s take on how France is attempting to cope with the pandemic pandemonium. This comes via an old buddy of mine, Tony Rocca (an English author and former journalist) who, with his wife, has for several years now been living in the south of France (Cannes).

On a call, Tony suggested I look at the government website www.gouvernement.fr which lays out the do’s and don’ts of living with ‘the virus’. It actually offers an English translation of sorts, including some gems like “Concrete actions to prevent and combat gender-based and sexual violence” which I can only assume was there before COVID-19’s arrival.

Every time someone wants to step outside their home, a government form has to be downloaded, printed and filled out by each individual: It requires name, address, DOB, date and signature. The penalty for failure to do so is a fine between €38 and €137, which doubles for repeat offenders. Tony’s translation of the five acceptable justifications for leaving one’s home is as follows:

• Travel between home and place of work if home working is not possible

• Travel to buy essential items from authorized establishments per govt. website

• Travel for health reasons – visit doctor or pharmacy

• Travel for direct family reasons, or to help vulnerable people or childcare,

• Travel within a 2km-radius of home, linked to individual, personal, physical activity (excluding all collective sport) and the needs of pets.

Those last three words – “needs” meaning taking dogs for a walk to let them doo what dogs do – is tantamount to a get-out-of-jail card: It has apparently emptied every dog pound/animal shelter in the country as people suddenly just have to have a pooch. It has also got some more entrepreneurial dog-owner types seeing green (or whatever color euros are) and created a booming new dog rental business: “For just €50 you can walk my poodle Fifi for an hour.”

Sacre bleu! If the same rules might apply in Canada, you should maybe check out what the pound has to offer before all the little cute guys are gone and only big dogs are left!

Tony also added:

One unlikely piece of good news comes from ISIS – remember them, the friendly folk who almost brought us The Caliphate? Having previously urged its young jihadis to attack European cities, the group is now advising members to “stay away from the land of the epidemic” in case they become infected. That’s really such a relief.

People in major cities across Europe have adopted a moving way to signify their gratitude to the health workers who are flat-out trying to cope with the virus. Every evening, typically at 8:00pm, they go out on their balconies and sing, clap, bang drums or saucepans — generally make a racket. One scene in Italy, shown on the evening news, had an entire street singing the Andrea Bocelli anthem, “Con Te Partiro.” Fortunately commentators have so far refrained from giving the English translation: “Time to Say Goodbye.”

So that’s it for now. I will try and keep the feedback coming from my self-isolation family compound in Connecticut. Laughter is a great distraction, so for some dark humour, please take a look at this clip – and no, I haven’t shared it with my wife and kids.