Another week of animals and humans doing crazy things. The only question is: which ones are wackier? Read on to find out…

AND THE WIENER IS…

The sex lives of constipated scorpions, cute ducklings with an innate sense of physics, and a life-size rubber moose may not appear to have much in common, but they all inspired the winners of this year’s Ig Nobels, the prize for comical scientific achievement. Held less than a month before the actual Nobel Prizes are announced, the 32nd annual Ig Nobel prize ceremony included winners in 10 categories, and also included scientists who found that when people on a blind date are attracted to each other, their heart rates synchronize, and researchers who looked at why legal documents can be so utterly baffling, even to lawyers themselves. As has been an Ig Nobel tradition, real Nobel laureates handed out the prizes, and winners also received a virtually worthless Zimbabwean $10 trillion bill.

MORE MONEY THAN BRAINS

College photos of Tesla CEO Elon Musk and memorabilia from his girlfriend at the time sold for US$165,000 at recent auction, a Boston auction house reported. Boston-based RR Auction said it was a collection of never-before-seen photos and memorabilia from Musk’s college girlfriend, Jennifer Gwynne. A gold necklace with a small green emerald that Musk gave to Gwynne in late 1994 as a birthday present sold for $51,000. A photo of Musk and Gwynne posing with four other resident advisors before a school formal in 1995 sold for $42,000, the auction house said. The birthday card Musk signed to Gwynne, calling her “Boo-Boo,” sold for nearly $17,000. Eighteen candid photos were sold individually.

PHALLIC FUN

A far-right party in Germany is being mocked online for planning to offer voters soft candies that bear a striking resemblance to a dildo. Alternative for Germany had ordered the red gummy sweets in the shape of its party logo – a swoosh-like arrow – to hand out during the election campaign in Lower Saxony state, where a regional election is set for Oct. 9. A picture of the candies tweeted by a reporter for German weekly Der Spiegel drew tens of thousands of likes and numerous mirthful comments, many of them below the belt. The party’s regional chairman, Frank Rinck, dismissed what he called the “media’s excitement” over the issue. “Everybody sees what they want to see,” he told German news agency dpa. “We’re not taking any consequences.”

LOOK IT UP

Finding out that shrinkflation, adorkable, subvariant and even pumpkin spice are now officially in the dictionary might make you exclaim “Yeet!” ICYMI, those are five of the 370 words and phrases that Merriam-Webster added to its dictionary this month, the publisher announced. Oh yeah, ICYMI, short for “in case you missed it,” was also added.

“Some of these words will amuse or inspire, others may provoke debate. Our job is to capture the language as it is used,” Peter Sokolowski, Merriam-Webster’s editor at large, said. “Words offer a window into our ever-changing language and culture and are only added to the dictionary when there is clear and sustained evidence of use.”

SEAL OF APPROVAL

A gray seal that wandered into a Massachusetts pond and evaded authorities’ attempts to capture him turned himself in last Friday after waddling up to the local police station. The gray seal first appeared earlier this month in Shoe Pond in the city of Beverly, northeast of Boston and is believed to have travelled to the pond from the sea via a river and drainage pipes. The seal quickly became a local attraction and was even named “Shoebert” after his chosen pond.

Firefighters and wildlife experts used boats and giant nets in an effort to capture the wily animal, but gave up after several fruitless hours. Early Friday morning, however, Shoebert left the pond, crossed a parking lot, and appeared outside the side door of the local police station looking, according to a police statement, “for some help.”

The seal was quickly corralled by a team of wildlife experts and transported to Mystic Aquarium in Mystic, Connecticut, where aquarium staff will perform a medical exam before releasing him back into the wild.

THE WHEEL DEAL

A drug-sniffing dog led police at a Milan airport to some 13 kg. of cocaine stuffed into the leather upholstery of a motorized wheelchair. The specialized canine unit was being deployed at Malpensa airport to check arriving passengers and their luggage from a flight from the Dominican Republic, since previously drug couriers had used that route. When a dog drew officers’ attention to the traveller, police first checked his luggage, which yielded nothing, then slashed the wheelchair’s upholstery, discovering the cocaine. Police said that when the cocaine was found, the chair user – a Spaniard who had requested airport personnel to help guide the wheelchair – got up, walked without assistance, and was taken into custody.