02 JUL 2019: I don’t know whether to be thrilled or embarrassed that one of my proudest moments as a Canadian is centred around a sports team victory…millennials, right?! Watching the Raptors win the NBA championship the other week was such an incredible experience, and fresh off of the Canada day long weekend, I really don’t think I’ve ever felt so patriotic.

Moments like these make you realize just how special it is to share experiences and to connect with other people. Not to mention that it’s nice to be able to talk about something other than the weather! We thrive on these feelings because they satisfy one of our primal instincts to bond with others. It’s why newborn babies are held by their parents first with direct skin to skin contact, it’s why children love bed time stories, it’s why we get hooked on our favourite TV shows. It’s this connection and bonding that we crave.

Since the 1950s, we’ve seen advancements that no one could have ever predicted. We’ve become so efficient and maximized production in a way that has made earning more money, and living in more elaborate homes, not just possible, but expected. But as the square footage of living space has steadily increased, the number of close friends we can count on has decreased.

So, what happens when we no longer have those quality connections or healthy relationships?

I watched an incredibly fascinating Ted talk by Johann Hari recently on this exact topic and exploring its role in addiction. Johann says that in the past 70 years “we’ve traded friends for floor space and connections for stuff”.

He explains that healthy relationships and a sense of belonging are more powerful an antidote to addiction than sobriety, and that perhaps we’ve had it backwards all along.

Everything we knew about addiction was based on studies of a rat in a cage with two water bottles: one pure, the other laced with heroin or cocaine. In these studies, the rats compulsively return to the drug laced water with almost 100% rate of overdose and death.

Until one day, another scientist by the name of Bruce Alexander comes along and starts thinking outside the box. He questions why the rats are isolated in a cage in the first place and wonders whether that might be impacting the rats’ behaviour. So, Bruce created what he calls “Rat Park”. A place where the rats are living their best life. A place filled with bright coloured balls, tunnels, lots of friends and (ahem…hanky panky) all complete with their favourite cheeses. Rat Park also features those two water bottles — one pure and one laced with heroin.

Believe it or not, these rats barely drank the drug laced water at all and never used it compulsively. There was a zero percent (0%) rate of overdose and death in Rat Park! The researchers attributed these unexpected observations to the bonds and healthy relationships within the community. It’s because when people have strong and healthy connections with people they love, and have work they care about, they want to be present for it all. But if people have suffered trauma or isolation from a hard life and they don’t have quality supportive relationships they look to bond with something else to give them a sense of relief and satisfy that instinctual need.

Maybe it’s drugs, but it can also be satisfied with gambling, food, smart phones, even traveling.

I’m no therapist, nor am I pretending to be, but I do wonder whether those people, who are addicted to travel, and always on the go, are simply in search of a sense of belonging within a community that they don’t have at home? Remember that the quality of these relationships is so important. Simply having friends and family doesn’t always mean that you’re supported and loved unconditionally, and you can still feel isolated within these relationships. Of course, the topic of addiction is incredibly complex, but maybe there’s something there. At the very least this should serve as a reminder to never miss out on opportunities to tell people you care about them. We should always say those nice things we’re thinking, and we should try to listen to someone without offering advice! Sometimes the most valuable thing we can offer someone is our attention free from distractions, because that’s the best way to attract and nurture those connections with other people.

Together: that’s how we change the world.

Full length Ted Talk: