30 MAR 2017: No matter how irritating CATSA and TSA lines and procedures can be, most thinking people will agree that airport security checks and staying alert as to “things suspicious” are important components of safe travel.
Just how much these agencies contribute to flight safety often goes unreported. For example last week the TSA Blog reported that their agents had enjoyed (if that’s the right word) a record-tying week and intercepted an astonishing 81 firearms in carry-on bags around the nation. Even more incredible is the fact that no fewer than 74 of them were loaded and 26 had a chambered round! This tied the previous record of 81 set in August of last year, albeit that four fewer of them were loaded that week. The jury’s still out though as to whether or not that represents real progress!
I mean think about that – in just one week 74 people set out for the airport having blithely packed loaded firearms in their carry-on baggage! I’m sure they have all been charged with all kinds of misdemeanors and are paying hefty fines but frankly that’s not enough. Maybe their records should show them as having been guilty of “Utterly Unfathomable Stupidity” and the punishment should see them branded with a big L on their foreheads and a life-time banishment from ever setting foot on an airplane again.
Against such a, “there’s a lot of crazy people out there” backdrop, I suppose we should be prepared to cut airport security agents some slack but what happened this week at New York’s LaGuardia Airport really does make one wonder if maybe things are getting just a little too paranoid.
The early morning on-air news reports talked about “Terminal B being closed” and “Traffic chaos on approach roads” – at first (incorrectly) at Terminal D and then (correctly) at Terminal B, which could only have exacerbated matters. TSA agents it was reported had “come in contact with an unknown substance while inspecting a bag that had set off an alarm.” Then, “The afflicted agents have been taken to the hospital for evaluation.” Subsequent headlines blared such things as, “Three Guards Injured After LaGuardia Hazmat Scare” and “Suspicious Substance Found at LaGuardia.” Scary stuff eh?
Well fear not, within a couple of hours all was back to abnormal at the nation’s worst airport and the hazardous material, later described as a “white powder”, was reported by police to be “a non-explosive food item” – as distinct from common or garden explosive food items – and some kind of innocent, but clearly highly aromatic spice. Overreaction? You be the judge.
The paranoia is not however limited to security checkpoints: Other recent tales are much more concerning. One involved an American Airlines flight from Philadelphia to Syracuse NY. The flight was taxing out for take-off when a female passenger slipped a note to a flight attendant expressing concerns that the man next to her was, “behaving like a terrorist with what he was writing in a notebook.” I swear you can’t make this stuff up!
The suspected terrorist was actually Guido Menzio, an Italian economics professor at the University of Pennsylvania who was en route to Kingston Ontario to give a lecture at Queens University. After the plane returned to the gate and he was taken off to be interviewed by the FBI, it was confirmed that his suspicious activity had involved solving a ‘differential equation’ in his notebook!
A very gracious Professor Menzio told the Washington Post that he was “treated respectfully throughout” but that he remains understandably perturbed by a system that, “relies on the input of people who may be completely clueless.” Well said Prof!
Another equally bizarre academic incident happened on a Southwest flight from LAX. This time it involved Iraqui-born Khairuldeen Makhzoomi, a UC Berkeley researcher who had just attended a dinner with the UN Secretary General. After another passenger heard him speaking in Arabic on his phone, he was removed from the flight, questioned by the FBI and had his bags inspected in front of other passengers in the gate area. It turns out he had ended his Arabic phone conversation with his father with the innocent word “inshallah” meaning “God willing”. Could it be that this was mistaken by another passenger as “salam alaikum”, an equally innocent phrase (“peace be unto you”) but one that seems to have become the clarion cry of suicide bombers and the like just before they launch attacks?
Somewhat lamely, Southwest commented that, “Mr. Makhzoomi was removed because of potentially threatening comments made aboard our aircraft. We wouldn’t remove passengers from flights without a collaborative decision rooted in established procedures.” Then the real kicker, “we regret any less than positive experience aboard our aircraft.” In the meantime Mr. Makhzoomi is apparently still awaiting a proper explanation from the airline for what he was put through.
To paraphrase Professor Menzio’s comment, it would appear that Southwest has procedures rooted in decisions based on the collaboration of completely clueless people. Or as Hunter S. Thomson once opined, “Paranoia is just another word for ignorance.”
All very scary.